I can’t remember the first negative thought I had about my body— whether it came from me, the media, or a classmate. But it snowballed from there. I carried this way of thinking with me for years, so regardless of how my body looked, I always thought I was fat. (And for me, this used to be one of the worst things a person could say about me.) This was reinforced with exes and friends and strangers, especially any time my weight fluctuated.
At some point, it got to be too much. It manifested in how I treated my body and I really struggled with low self worth and poor body image. I hated myself.
At another point, I slowly started healing the relationship between my mind and body. It’s taken time, and sure, I still have negative body image days or cringe at unflattering photos, but it’s been so much better. So I thought I’d put together a list of things that helped me along the way.
Some of these suggestions are free, others low-cost, and some are splurges. None of these are sponsored, but things that I hope are useful for you or someone you love. Also, I’m not a medical provider nor therapist and [insert legal language here to avoid liability ha]. None of this is a cure-all, or one-and-done, but a process; I use many of these modalities still for a lil boost.
Here are 10 things I did over time that helped me have a healthier relationship with my body.
Therapy. There was the time when a former therapist said, “But look at your tiny waist!” and “It’s really just calories in, calories out!” when I told him, “I think I have an eating disorder.” While I’ve had my fair share of truly awful, damaging therapists, I found a couple over the years who were great. I learned to ask better questions too (but you don’t know what you don’t know). One helpful therapist photocopied a chapter of a book that we worked on together each session — it was a small gesture of care that meant so much to me. So, with the caveat that insurance doesn’t always cover it, or if they do there’s still a high deductible or co-pay, or there’s a wait-list, finding a qualified therapist who gets you, and specializes in the issue(s) you want to focus on is validating and can be useful.
Dance. For years I was so cut off from my body. Stepping into a dance studio was absolutely not for me at that tender recovery stage. When I went searching for ‘body positive’ instructors, some would shrug and say, “Yeah sure, I accept every type of body…” but then talk about macros or ‘calorie-scorching’ workouts. They didn’t get it. But there are online classes out there, both live and recorded, with truly body positive/fat/inclusive instructors. Some great ones are Critical Mass Dance Company (trauma-informed, community-based movement), Jessie Diaz-Herrera’s Curves with Moves (joyful, jiggly dancing), and Body Positive Fitness (a variety of online fitness classes).
Affirmations. Okay, this is cheesy and maybe a little embarrassing to admit, but author Louise Hay really helped me. (JLo, problematic though she may be, loves Louise too!) Even if affirmations felt uncomfortable at first, it was something I could do in the privacy of my own home— for free— and I felt I had nothing to lose. What would happen if I slowly started to say nice things to myself and my body? For every nasty thought, what happened if I slowly tried to crowd them out with something neutral or even positive? If an affirmation felt *very* untrue, I would say something like: “I’m willing to be ready to believe this…” And little by little, I rebuilt my self-confidence and esteem.
Tapping. Maybe tapping is another thing that’s a bit woo-woo and mortifying, but listen, people thought electricity was woo-woo at first too. Emotion Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping really helped me so much, especially with emotions that felt too thorny to tackle. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s when you gently tap your fingers along the body's acupressure points, giving voice to your emotions. There are tons of videos online and some are more helpful than others, but I’ve always felt better after. You can use it for all kinds of things like anxiety, grief, sleep, and trauma. I like some of Jessica Ortner’s videos (despite our fierce Chile-Argentina rivalry jaja).
Outfits. For way too long I thought my body was the problem. I cycled through sizes and thought I was horrible for not being able to diet my way back to a smaller size, keeping those clothes as a ‘goal’ for motivation. Later I read somewhere that clothes are made for you, not you making yourself fit the clothes. Giving away used clothing and buying clothes that fit me and I felt good— even CUTE— in was a game-changer. Start with a pair of nice socks and see where it goes.
Nature. Sometimes I would go days without having been outside and it took a toll on my mental health. Just getting fresh air, inviting more movement, and being near a tree, or at night looking at the stars, listening to the rhythm of frogs or crickets, really helped me calm down, and get out of my head (and cyclical negative thoughts) to reconnect with myself.
Education. Wouldn’t it have been nice to learn about self acceptance, confidence, and body positivity in school? Education doesn’t have to stop once you graduate though. Here I mean more self-help books and courses, but I was so intrigued by the work The Body Positive was doing that I became a certified facilitator. As a former middle school English teacher, I know how important it is to have an established base of body neutrality/positivity before society can really sink its claws in you. In an ideal world, everyone loves (or at least appreciates) their body.
Scale. For a while I didn’t know that you can decline getting weighed at the doctor’s office (though some reallllllly insist and are not sensitive even if you’ve disclosed reasons for abstaining). This boundary is freeing, as well as throwing away (errr um, recycling…? that weight [and food] scale at home). My body feeling good is more important than anything a scale could ever tell me.
Cleanse. No, not that kind of cleanse! I’m talking about a social media cleanse. Once a week I aim to stay off screens. Additionally, I spent time analyzing who I was following on social and why. Did their bodies trigger me into old diet-speak, or negative talk around my body? Was I comparing my body to that of someone with different genetics and resources? Were they endorsing behaviors (or drugs like Oz*mpic) that were harmful? By unfollowing or muting, I was able to curate my feed and use it more intentionally. Even better was following more diverse bodies. (But ofc I still scope out certain celeb accounts mostly for dreamy dresses and shoes.)
Massage. Years ago I took one of those love language quizzes and Physical Touch was bottom-last. As a survivor of sexual assault, it’s really uncomfortable for me to be touched. But pushing myself to get a professional massage in an environment I felt comfortable and safe in helped me connect more with my body in a gentle, loving way.
Have more suggestions? Or do you have an aim to try one of these soon? Let me know :)